I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
