I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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