Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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