His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
