party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Drunk is not a location!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
