I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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