The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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