I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
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Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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