As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
