Ambien. No doubt about it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.