i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The power of my boobs compel you
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
