Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
