I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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