I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
