Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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