this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
