You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
