I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
