So drunk its hurt
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
