You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
