You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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