evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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