Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The uberlube is also flammable
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have already put on my inside pants.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
