My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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