fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
