Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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