when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize