Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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