I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
