There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
