i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
