Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
