so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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