it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize