Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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