Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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