i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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