I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
