be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
