Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
