had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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