i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
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well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
third nipple confirmed
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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