guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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