the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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