mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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