With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
