He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
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We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
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If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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