So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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