I wanna bring you to show and tell
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
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You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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