Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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