note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
