sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
