I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
