I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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