This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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