Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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