FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
