How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
