All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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