dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
