Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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