my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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